even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
