no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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