I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
