I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
