Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.

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  (918): Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken. http://tfl.nu/pmvb
  Replies (8) Good night (1381) Bad night (586)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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  (720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d
  Replies (16) Good night (4214) Bad night (661)
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  (530): View more from California

  My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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  (530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm
  Replies (16) Good night (641) Bad night (5582)
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  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (5198) Bad night (1134)
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  (415): View more from California

  i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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  (415): i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me. http://tfl.nu/4nn8
  Replies (7) Good night (909) Bad night (2974)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

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  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (17) Good night (8188) Bad night (1736)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

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  (214): I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room. http://tfl.nu/9wgv
  Replies (7) Good night (4287) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

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  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (3122) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.

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  (506): My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out. http://tfl.nu/qizv
  Replies (29) Good night (969) Bad night (1932)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
  Replies (5) Good night (882) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight

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  (785): My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight http://tfl.nu/4v11
  Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.

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  (865): No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP. http://tfl.nu/2htz
  Replies (3) Good night (1053) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work

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  (586): Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work http://tfl.nu/uldi
  Replies (6) Good night (478) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.

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  (785): I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked. http://tfl.nu/il94
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.

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  (541): I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith. http://tfl.nu/2rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (430) Bad night (171)

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