the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.