Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.