Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME