Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right.  I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..

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  (267) 4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right.  I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room.. http://tfl.nu/v238
  Replies (7) Good night (3856) Bad night (822)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?

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  (303): There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house? http://tfl.nu/bwc7
  Replies (28) Good night (3897) Bad night (803)
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  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

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  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (75) Good night (3247) Bad night (10074)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (58) Good night (12230) Bad night (1102)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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  (905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u
  Replies (4) Good night (1981) Bad night (3014)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink

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  (778): Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink http://tfl.nu/5oo7
  Replies (17) Good night (3448) Bad night (1033)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster

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  (419): You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster http://tfl.nu/810i
  Replies (9) Good night (2689) Bad night (1085)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..

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  (410): still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that.. http://tfl.nu/9298
  Replies (4) Good night (1484) Bad night (749)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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  (812): well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me. http://tfl.nu/v83s
  Replies (2) Good night (1202) Bad night (596)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.

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  (580): Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service. http://tfl.nu/46gk
  Replies (7) Good night (1699) Bad night (610)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.

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  (931): Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult. http://tfl.nu/v17w
  Replies (10) Good night (1332) Bad night (523)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.

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  (480): It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood. http://tfl.nu/ktz5
  Replies (4) Good night (1910) Bad night (562)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.

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  (330): When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table. http://tfl.nu/dlsi
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (574)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  God works in mysterious ways my friend.

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  (720): Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday... (303): God works in mysterious ways my friend. http://tfl.nu/qprf
  Replies (6) Good night (1544) Bad night (528)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.

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  (+44): Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake. http://tfl.nu/d4ep
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (187)

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