you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
