We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
