He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.