just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.