This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
