At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
