man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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