i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in