well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life