Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
only you would photoshop your dick
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.