He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.