he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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