he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
