Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
