remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
