Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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