I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
