i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
