How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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