Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
