Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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