I will die if light touches me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
