why didn't you poke me back
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
