don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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