trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
