I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize