And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
