how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
