Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
