My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
