So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
