I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
love makes seman taste better
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
