its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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