worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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