So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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