I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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