I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
