The maid of honor just puked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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