remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
