he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
