the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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