When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry my hands just texted you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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