My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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