that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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