Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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