i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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