ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
foreskin is a definite game changer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
