Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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