Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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