Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
