mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
are you so shy because you have an std?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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