they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize