I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
