You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
