My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
