I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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