I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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