Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
