Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
