I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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