I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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