I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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