I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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