is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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