spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
