An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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