never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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