She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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