They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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