I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
