you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
