My room smells like vodka and shame
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
