Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
