I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
