Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
