you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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