He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
