this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
